Purification

So, step one - giving up on coffee. I didn't plan it at all. One day I just woke up and decided to drink tea with milk instead. So far it is my second week without coffee; it is relatively easy. I don't feel really sleepy but maybe miss its taste a bit.

Step two - becoming a vegetarian. At least on weekdays and still eating fish, eggs and milk. This also happened randomly, but I know why... I didn't eat meat for one week and then had a bit but realized that I didn't miss the taste at all. Now thinking about meat I feel sickness in my stomach. Yeah... visible consequences of breakdown.

Also I realized one thing: I need to have these kind of small "projects" in my life. I need to put really measurable and concrete goals in order to do improve myself, my life and hold on to something. And so far it is the most effective way to change my habits - starting with something temporary and small that will grow in something bigger and continuous. 

But both of these things lead to a bigger project that I started deliberately: purification of my mind. To be honest, this is much harder to achieve and measure. I want my mind in peace. It doesn't mean I don't want to think about my past. It is okay to go back to past, but I want to feel free thinking about it. So this is my goal - to be free thinking about my past without any feeling, but happiness. 

I keep myself busy with different activities in order not to think about anything or do anything else but only things that make me happy and focused.